I posted this note today on FB – the wiki definition for pansexuality –
“Pansexuality, or omnisexuality[1] is a sexual orientation, characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire towards people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[2] For others, an individual’s sex, gender expression, or gender identity can be a key factor of attraction, despite the pansexual individual’s wide range of sex and gender attractions.”
My immediate thought was, like a friend’s comment, was that actually the definition sounded what I thought was a definition for bisexuality. I just can’t grasp this idea that pansexual people are attracted to others regardless of their gender. What does this actually mean? That somehow pansexual people do not have pre-conceived notions of conventional gender identities? That they do not have a concept of man or woman or other, as the case may be? Or does it mean that pansexuals simply do not recognise that gender has an identity at all?
And the more I thought about it and tried to explain to a friend what/who I am attracted to, as a lesbian (which, to clarify, is defined as a woman who is attracted to other women and prefers, at least most of the time, to have sex with women) the more I found myself tangled up in the binary language of our world, not least the language of sexuality. Like, I said, I like women who are, you know, women. What does that mean? Well, I like feminine women. Ay! I fell into the first trap. Ok, but I also like women who are in control and independent, women who defy the conventional attributes of their gender. Ay! Second pitfall. I thought, well, as a lesbian I have both male and female traits, that’s what makes me a lesbian and that’s what I like in others! Ayyyyyy! Third banana peel.
Gender identity and sexual preference, we have all been learning about this year, are totally different things.And all these compartmentalising labels and sub-sections are starting to drive me crazy.
Based on the above I’m not even sure if I can identify my gender identity or sexuality without being accused of being closed-minded and conventional, worse still, simply wrong. Ugh. I always thought I was on the fringe, alternative, edgy and well, liberal. Never has being a lesbian identified woman ever been so not alternative and so not cool.
If I try again to describe the kind of person I like without falling into a political minefield of correctness, I’d say – I like people with big brains, a great sense of humour and real pussy and real breasts. Oops, now that wasn’t very PC after all. OK OK OK so that was a little crude. But I guess my point is that regardless of how I describe what attracts me and in what terms, I would not at all, pit those requirements against a man, identified male or otherwise. Alas I guess that either confirms how shallow and close-minded I am or that I am truly a lesbian and not a pansexual lesbian.
lols.. am sorry.. but i seriously do not understand the term ‘pansexual’. i mean, i could say that i’m bi.. but, what’s pansexual? i like boys or girls depends on how we could connect to each other n stuff.. the level of attraction we have between one to another.. not because coz he’s a boy or she’s a girl..
so, elaine.. please, if you could; do explain to me what’s pansexuality means
coz i really don’t get this term 
especially on the first meaning up there 
much love,
bella j
I’m pansexual, and I’ve had people (queer and straight, but mostly queer) say that’s not possible. How can I not have gender or sex as a deciding factor? How could I possibly fall for people based on their core personality? How can I not care about plumbing?
Guess what? It’s possible. Because I don’t give a crap whether you’re male or female or transgendered or genderqueer or whatever. You’re who you are. Your body parts don’t determine your attractiveness.
Last year or two there was a KL Lesbian Black Book project to find the most attractive lesbians around. I asked if I, as a pansexual, can join in. Got rejected – lesbians only. There’s so much biphobia/not-only-lesbian-phobia within the queer community in so many places. You’re greedy, you’re confused, you can’t exist. Why? We like people for who they are, why is that suddenly a crime?
I’ve been attracted to typical men, typical women, genderqueer people, trans people, people whose gender I don’t even know, people who screw around with gender expectations. Of all the attributes to be considered, chromosomes are nonconsequential.
ah, ok.. so let me get this straight.. pansexual is ppl who likes all other ppls? is that it? am sorry, but its kinda my first time being here, reading all these stuff..
so let say if i get turned on by watching even gay or transexual ppl, means am pansexual? … coz i think i might be if so ^_^
but yeah, tiara, most of the lesbian group etc, they only accepting the ppl who are same as they are.. and idk why.. some could be over protective over it as if we’re gonna take their group members and change it into something their not..
lols.. ppl like tiara should be considered as a bonus !
Hey Tiara
I totally agree with “there’s so much biphobia/not-only-lesbian-phobia within the queer community in so many places”. Ideas of identity fascinate me, especially sexuality. Interesting though that there is phobia yet not many seem to understand the issue or want to talk about it,hence phobias are created. My question/ confusion was actually this – if gender is a construct then having male or female plumbing is inconsequential in the discussion. And if we all agree gender identity and gender do not always go together, then what does attract a pansexual to others in terms of look and behaviour. That’s my question really : ) Perhaps you can educate us all here, namely me and Bella!
What are pansexuals attracted to? Anything, it depends on the person. Lesbians aren’t automatically attracted to anything that’s female are they? Same deal. It’s just that while gay people prefer one gender and straight people prefer another gender, pansexual folk don’t make gender a factor.
I don’t like using the term “bisexual” because it doesn’t account for people who don’t fall into the gender binary. But some people don’t get the concept so I just say “bi” for simplicity’s sake.
this is enlightening! thanks for sharing
Tiara,
Are you saying then that by your definition bisexuality is the same as pansexuality? I don’t think that when people are attracted to others that they consciously think about their gender, it just happens and there’s no real way of explaining why one would be attracted to someone of the same sex or opposite sex or to the third sex, which is someone with both sexes. No one is making gender a factor, it just happens. It’s not fair to suggest that lesbians or gays are self conscious in their decision.
BTW in regards to the Little Black Book – ye, that’s a bit fucked up. I know tons of bisexuals and who identify as much, who were nominated, but it is an issue that comes up time and time again – that kind of exclusion happens usually because of political reasons and of course, a lack of knowledge and understanding. People always want to draw the line, sometimes it needs to be but for the right reasons.
Hi Tiara,
I can’t believe there is another person like me. It is true that bisexuality is a sexual orientation that has both same attraction to both same gender and the opposite gender. Unlike pansexuality, the attraction will not be limited to two biological genders. Biological sex of the person a pansexual attracted to will not be an issue at all. It is more towards the feeling they have over the other person, not in term of the gender. As for myself, I have ex-partners falling under the categories of straight male, lesbian female, transgender male&female, gay male and even bi-male. Being a pansexual does not mean the person will be proned to infidelity. Alot will think that if they call fall for any type of person, the chances of them having affair will be higher. This is so wrong. He/she can still be a loyal lover when they found their right lifetime partner. As in right now I have found my true soulmate who happens to be a female. We have been living happily with our children and we do not really care what others may think of us as long as we know we love each other and have one another. We only concentrate on bringing up our children and having a stable happy family. How others may think of us or whether to accept us in any community or ‘party’ not important to us at all.
Oh yes, aside being a minority of a pansexual person, I am also a pescetarian. Nope, not a vegan nor a vegetarian but a pescetarian. A pescetarianism is a traditional mediterranean diet that includes vegetables, fruit, nuts, grains, beans, eggs, dairy and seafood BUT excludes mammals and birds.
So being a pansexual and pescetarian person, should I be an outcast?
I’m a queer woman who is sexually oriented. Can that be a label by itself that transcend all stereotype labeling as what ‘pan-sexual’ defines to be?
Well there ya go! for years I thought, “when are people actually gonna get me”? I was married to a lovely man, had two kids and when things didn’t work out for us, I found someone much much older than me…people kept asking…seriously Nad…whats up with you? Bi? Les? Straight with les tendencies sometimes, not so straight with a weakness for cute guys sometimes? Whats there to get people? I fall in love with a personality and not the gender. Thats all I can say! On the biphobia scale of things I can only say one thing…who are we (Lesbians, gays trans-gendered etc)to talk? After all, we are still not excepted in many societies and we know what that feels like, why do it to others? Go figure…